More graffiti from my occasional treks through the park.

Political activism FAIL

Graffiti seen under a bridge in Wyman Park, near Hopkins:

Quick Quiz: Does the symbol above represent:

• Evil Garlic
• C'thulu
• (cf. IT 3) Vagina Dentada

If it becomes necessary to purchase your pregnancy tests from the dollar store, you may need to rethink your sexual habits.

From the pages of Smithsonian magazine:

As it turns out, both seals and humans have exactly the same facial expression for "Oh fuck, I'm about to be eaten by a shark"

Leah digs dollar stores. A few months ago, we visited one, and I snapped a few pictures of interesting (and cheap) products. Today, we present the first in an IT miniseries, Tales From The Dollar Store

For just a dollar, Janet Jackson could have avoided that huge Superbowl scandal of a few years back.

Seen in downtown Baltimore:

JJ Cummings is one of the few people to successfully make the transition to mainstream florist from the adult floral industry

Part of an apartmentwarming package Leah found when she moved:

Leaving aside for the moment the fact that this roll of toilet paper was a gift created especially for you, Bozzuto Management has apparently trademarked the phrase "A Gift Created Especially For You."

Seen on a wall ad above a urinal in a restaurant in Timonium:

You may be thinking that seven hours seems to miss the definition of "Happy Hour". But look at what's being advertised. There is no such thing as unhappy hour at the strip club.

Seen in a Pastablitz in Ellicott City (Contrast enhanced):

Personally, I'd prefer the food be fresh and the service be good, but I'll take what I can get.

And now, here's a picture which taken out of context, looks like a prominent political figure having an orgasm.

OH NANCY PELOSI NO!

Stuff? Sweet! I love "stuff".

Today's IT can't be safely scaled down to fit the width of this column of text, so go ahead and click on it to enlarge.

FAIL.

Aww. My wife and infant child look so cute and loveable and carefree as I am about to back over them with my SUV

Not too long ago, I found a pile of digital camera pictures from some time back. Today, I'd like to juxtapose two that I took at the National Aquarium in Baltimore on or around the beginning of November, 2006.

This is a little funny, because here's an adventurous outdoorsman in a playset with a bunch of wild animals, and look: his arm's missing. O for fun. Now, look at what was directly under it:

Monastic monks. As opposed to the other kind.

This may be one for the "Blog" of "Unnecessary" Quotation Marks

Actually, those scare-quotes aren't wrong; it was a zombie band.

Bakelite is plastic. Bakelite is the original fake material. Faux-bakelite is imitation fake material. Costume jewlery is fake jewelry. Reproduction costume jewlery is fake fake jewelry. Faux-bakelite reproduction costume jewlery is fake plastic fake imitation jewlery. I think this means it's actually made of gold.

Dink dink, dink dink dink dink-dink. Dink-dink, dink ding-dink ding dink dink. Dink-dink. Dink dink-dink dink-dink. Dink dink-dink, dink dink-dink, dink-dink.

He's a group of 553 mostly white guys with a penchant for sexual indiscretions. She's a haven for angsty teenagers, garish backgrounds, and indie bands. They fight crime!

Found this in my pile of funny Google News Pictures. Little known fact: before getting into politics, Sarkozy used to do modeling for educational publications. I believe this was actually the picture from my French 1 textbook to illustrate the concept of "Zut allors!"

That or "And I would have gotten away with it too if it weren't for you meddling kids and your dog.*"

*Et je m'en serais tiré si ce n'est pour l'ingérence de vous les enfants et votre chien. More or less.

Isn't it a hair redundant to clarify that the "Age Champ"'s title was revoked due to death? How many other ways are there to lose ones claim to be the "oldest living person"?

How many pixels is too many? This many pixels is too many.

If you don't get today's joke, please read this, and then do not google what it's about. wikipedia

I'd totally not be TSA-Man

1. I totally read this headline as describing the strange case of creationists trying to prove that the dead body had not arisen through natural processes.

2. I don't care if you're dead, sir. We still need you to take off your shoes and provide two forms of identification.

Trivia Question: In this picture, is the president sad because (a) The public has cottoned on to the fact that Global Warming may indeed actually exist, (b) The recent school board decisions in Florida that schools don't have to teach the "scientific controversy" over evolution because there actually is no scientific controversy over it, (c) Someone just explained that "stunning" does not mean "very pretty" in this context, or (d) because he heard the name "Welch" and thought there would be delicious grape jelly?

IT 111 has been pulled for not being funny.

According to their president, Iran does not have any homosexuals. They do, however, have a sizeable population of Drag Queens, each one of them prepared to start a prissy little slap-fight with any bitch that gives them shit.

Clipped from a flash ad that ran some time ago on Bank of America's homepage...

If you want a vision of the future, imagine a six inch heel stamping on mortgage rates - forever.

You know, it has oft been noted that the Swiss Army Knife, while incredibly handy, contains tools oriented more toward, say, a boy scout than to a soldier in the field. A number of reasons have been proposed for this, including the fact that Switzerland hasn't been to war in hundreds of years. But things could be worse:

Behold: The French army knife.

In Google Russia, TV watches you

So, you may have guessed that I actually stockpile these months in advance. One side effect is that by the time I actually post them, I've had time to realize that they're less funny than I thought.

So here's a bunch from my backlog that, upon reflection, are not funny...

I was going to make a Face/Off joke here, but it seemed to be in poor taste upon reflection

And here, I was going to make a vibrator joke, but it got exponentially less funny as I thought about the fact that there were children in the picture

And this one, now that I think about it, is total pants.

Why can't political news writers write like this? Could you even imagine seeing a headline that read "(insert-political-leader-here) says that tax cuts for the rich benefit the poor too, but he's wrong"?

Update 12/12:

Leah points out that I should not be so hasty in my praise for the headline writer: Ehrenberg may be wrong, but at least he can tell an XBox 360 from a Wii

You can lead a whale to water, but you can't... Eh. I got nothing.

Months ago, I saw, via BoingBoing or some other cool-stuff-blog, an advertisement for this motorcycle helmet:

I believe this is the helmet for which the term "asshat" was coined.

Don't cry Condi: There's still North Korea.

Also, Pining for the cold war? Pining for the cold war? What kind of talk is that?

As is typical, the fact that we've hit a BIG ROUND NUMBER merits some sort of celebration. I'm thinking about it.

Mars, on the other hand, is full of nougat.

Oh, and your IT Centennial present is that I didn't make a "Uranus" joke.

Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people.
For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, which is Sharko the Lord.

You think this is just a random image tossed up by the googlebot, but it's actually a prediction of the future. If MSN, Time Warner, or Google acquire livejournal, they'll be able to form Voltron.

The first and only time anyone will ever be comfortable describing anything Hamas related as "a real Mickey Mouse Affair"

So, I looked at it95 just now (here) and realized that it wasn't especially funny. So let's just skip it and move on with our lives, shall we?

HAVING CONSULTED WITH MY COLLEAGUES AND BASED ON THE INFORMATION GATHERED FROM THE NIGERIAN CHAMBERS OF COMMERCE AND INDUSTRY, I HAVE THE PRIVILEGE TO REQUEST FOR YOUR ASSISTANCE TO TRANSFER THE SUM OF 4 FOREIGN OIL WORKERS (FOUR FOREIGN OIL WORKERS ONLY) INTO YOUR ACCOUNTS. THE ABOVE SUM RESULTED FROM AN OVER-INVOICED CONTRACT, EXECUTED COMMISSIONED AND PAID FOR ABOUT FIVE YEARS (5) AGO BY A FOREIGN CONTRACTOR. THIS ACTION WAS HOWEVER INTENTIONAL AND SINCE THEN THE FUND HAS BEEN IN A SUSPENSE ACCOUNT AT THE CENTRAL BANK OF NIGERIA APEX BANK.

Inappropriate Thoughts

By Ross at 03:11 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

I have it on good authority that the last one, how can I say this, blew. So here's a free replacement

Police are seeking Ralph Kramden for questioning in the affair.

In other news, the losing party candidate actually lost the election.

I don't think airport security will let you in if your companion tries to use one of those as a ticket.