Tales from /lost+found 15: In Which the Hoff is Hassled

As you can tell by the color of the paper, this is the sixth revision of the shooting script for the Doctor Who fortieth anniversary special. Numerous rewrites were required to accommodate David HasslehoffHasselhoff’s insistence that his character not come off as “a total poindexter”. Transcript below the fold.

Script page from a hypothetical Doctor Who starring Hugh Laurie and David Hasslehoff

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ALICE
But not like this.

WAR DOCTOR
Look, lady, I ain’t crazy about it either. But look at them.

On THE DOCTOR and THE OLD DOCTOR arguing around the console.

WAR DOCTOR (cont’d)
They deserve a better past than me. Better to start again. Reboot.

ALICE
They hate you so much they don’t see it yet. They’ll never forgive themselves when they figure it out.

WAR DOCTOR
Figure what out?

ALICE
That your story was a load of bull.
The WAR DOCTOR closes his eye and grunts.

WAR DOCTOR
It wasn’t all bull. A time lord did make me to be a weapon.
CLOSE UP on the WAR DOCTOR. He touches his chest.

WAR DOCTOR (cont’d)
I did. I gave myself to this war. I was wrong. They need to be free of it.
A beat.

ALICE (OOV)
Aren’t you going to say anything?

WAR DOCTOR
What is there to say?

ALICE (OOV)
I wasn’t talking to you.
Wider: We see that ALICE is looking directly at SIX.

ALICE
I’m talking to you.
SIX smiles.

SIX
Clever girl.

2 thoughts on “Tales from /lost+found 15: In Which the Hoff is Hassled

  1. Gunther

    You seem to have misspelled Hasselhoff’s name and … didn’t you have this transcript already?

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