I can tell you I'm sorry, but I can't tell the truth, dear. And what if I could; would it do any good? You'll still never get to see the contents of my shoebox. Shoebox of lies. -- Barenaked Ladies, Shoe Box
I’m sorry. What? “This is a new civilization and we get to make all new rules.” Okay. I can deal. But for some reason they’ve decided that the right response to Lex Luthor trying to rape Zandra is for Zandra to propose to him. And he accepts. This makes it all better. I suppose I can’t quite get around the idea of a kids’ show whose raison d’etre isn’t to teach kids important lessons about how to
Even after the apocalypse, Zandra and Lex Luthor have to wait until they’re fake-married by Hsu Tai (Whose real name is Tai San, so I will switch to calling her “Tyson”, as I am less likely to misspell it). What is this, a Stephanie Meyer novel? (Seriously, in The Host, Melanie has to wait six months to sleep with the love of her life, because she’s not 18, and therefore it would be wrong. After the entire human race has been subjugated by aliens.) But as this is The Tribe and not an edgy Young Adult novel, Zandra remains the second least sympathetic character in the series.
Ebony, Zoot’s evil second, crashes the wedding and gets captured. Then, in a re-enactment of an episode of Angel, she nearly convinces everyone to let her out by threatening their masculinity. Showing the sort of sound tactical judgment that he has become known for, Lex Luthor unlocks her cage to spar with her. Showing the fidelity for which his financee loves him, he instead beds her. Now, it’s a rule of this show that if a man enters the presence of a woman other than the one who’s lusting after him, she immediately assumes that he’s cheating with this interloper. Witness Trudy about Bray and Magenta, Trudy about Bray and Amber, Trudy about — well, actually, we’ve expended our supply of age-appropriate women. But also Zandra about Lex and Ebony. But at least she’s right this time.
Lex Luthor, apparently, rolls over and goes to sleep after sex, because Ebony escapes. Ebony has this mascara stripe around her eyes which makes her look like in New Zealand, there aren’t any racist implications to comparing someone to a racoon.
Trudy doesn’t care about the defense of the Mall from the impending Loco attack, because she saw Magenta snogging Bray earlier, which is much worse.
Leah: I thought you said that she was the only one acting like a real teenager
Me: (whispered) As it turns out, I’m old, and hate real teenagers
Upon hearing that Bray was seriously macking on Magenta, Amber instantly becomes a bitch to her too.
The afforementioned macking happened just after Bray and Magenta had a conversation about how, with the city darkened by apocalypse, you can see the stars, and then some wistfullness about civilization rising again.
Me: New Zealanders were created by man. They evolved. They rebelled. And they have a plan
Leah: [Bray and Magenta snog] All this has happened before. It will happen again
Lex Luthor’s excuse for getting locked in the cage while Ebony escapes is that she pretended to be sick and he went in to check on her. Aside from Lex being a terrible liar, if he’d just told the truth except for the bit about doing Ebony, everyone totally woulda bought it. “Hey guys, she told me I sucked, so I went in to rough her up. Turns out I suck, and she kicked my ass.” I suspect that Lex being an awful liar is going to be a recurring theme.
No one’s seen Paul the Diferently Abled One in a few episodes. It would be totally awesome if we just never see him again and never get any explanation.
Bray, fulfilling his one character trait, does a runner. He persuades Ebony to, instead of launching a counter-attack, to start her own religion.
It has only just occurred to me that Lex Luthor’s only outfit is a pullover and rainbow suspenders. He’s like a post-apocalyptic Robin Williams.
Trudy misplaces her baby, by virtue of somehow having overlooked the fact that she was still in the last place she’d left her. Trudy truly is the mother of the year here.
Tyson, whose idea it was for Zandra to marry Lex Luthor, has decided to throw herself at him, because her complex Granola Girl spirituality is complex and confusing.
In Kiwi, it appears that you use the indicative in many contexts where we USAnians would use the gerund. Trudy accuses Magenta of “kidnap”, Tyson finds that Lex Luthor has made a “punch bag”. It’s creepy and weird.