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Like most good-hearted Americans, I shop at Wal-Mart, then feel really guilty over my contribution to the destruction of society.
Not long ago, I was in such a Mart, where I snapped this picture of one of the helpful overhead signs
Shower Curtin is my porn star name.
I've been struggling all morning to keep the details of this dream fresh in my mind, but it's fading quickly.
Our story begins with me slipping discreetly into a high school gymnaseum to film my sister's graduation to a DVD. After this bit of backstory, I find myself meeting up with a group of friends, played by Mario Lopez, Amber Tamblyn, and some other equally familiar faces. At this point, we embark on some kind of heroic quest. Now, this is the really interesting part of the story, but, unfortunately, I've forgotten most of it, except for the fact that we were pitted against a fairly standard rubber suit monster who claimed to be Satan (though we didn't really buy it), and some plan that involved sucking out all the knowledge in the brains of people using a pink goo called tretonin. Also, there's a race against time to cross a mall in order to get to the last soft pretzel stand before it closes.
Eventually, we get separated, and I am racing down the interstate to rejoin my friends. I get confused about the exit I want to take from a cloverleaf, and end up on a ramp that abruptly ends, as it was closed for construction. I get out of my car and try to work out a way arouind it. Climbing down through the construction, I steal a pair of power drills, but eventually fail to make a jump and fall into what appears to be a high school auxilliary gym below (That's the little side gym next to the ream gym where they make the girls go to learn folk dancing and the proper use of tampons while the boys learn wrestling and how to check for testicular cancer in the main gym). I stumble out into the main gym, where I cut across a graduation ceremony in progress, and get chewed out by my mom (played by Stockard Channing) for ruining the film of my sister's graduation.
I start to get wise as to what's happening, and race back to the highway off-ramp, and jump, again, into the auxiliary gym. Again I walk back into the main gym, and again I get chewed out by Stockard Channing. I come to understand that I've found myself in a time loop, and try to work out a way to make it all come out right. I go back to the beginning of the loop, and this time stay in the gym. I try to convince Stockard Channing about the time loop by showing her the DVDs I've already made of the graduation, the last two times through the loop. But before I can make much progress, I am distracted by the need to remaster a set of home made seaQuest DSV Video CDs. When I find that the foil is peeling from the discs, destroying them, I start to understand what's wrong. I explain everything to my friends, whereupon J'accuse and.... It turns to that Stockard Channing is not my mother, but Satan in disguise. This isn't a time loop: we've all been captured and are trapped in a hallucination as he uses the tretonin to extract all of our knowledge. The time loop is something *I* created to preven Satan from getting any of our knowledge outside of the loop. A montage shows us being covered in pink goo, and something with Mario Lopez breaking a steam pipe, and this all leads to me formulating the plan for our escape and victory.
Unfortunately, just as we do the "fade to the next scene so that the audience doesn't learn the details of our plan until we actually show it in operation", a telemarketer woke me up to bother me.
Once I'd hung up on him, I managed to slip back to sleep and had another dream. This one involved my trivia team showing up three hours early for an important game. We mean to kill time in the nearby shops, and I am drawn to a box I see through a window: several in a series of four foot tall Transformers. They've got Optimus Prime, Soundwave (though under a different name), and Megatron among others, though the price is a bit steep for me, and yet it's so hard to resist. For some reason, my girlfriend's father is here, and she joins him for a bit as he makes a pile of waffles in order to try out the pile of secondhand waffle irons he's just acquired. Meanwhile, I find a big plastic tub full of what look like 30's tombstone radios -- though their cases are made of brushed steel instead of wood, which I find strange and confusing. The sign on the tub explains that they had no idea how to fix them, so they just stuck four random tubes in each one. They vary greatly in size; some are about the size you'd expect, but many are very small, about the size of an oil filter, and the one in the front is huge, about the size of an actual tombstone. A tag on it gives the price as $1,998.
I catch up with another of our team members, who tells me that the owner of the toystore has decided to roll anthing we want to buy here onto our bar tab at the trivia game -- which sounds like a strange thing to do, but I make a connection from the name of the toy store and realize that the owner must be the same man as the bar manager. I go back to retrieve my girlfriend and tell her father about the radios, as I think this would interest him, but they have gone somewhere else. So I make a waffle instead, and burn myself on the oil. As my girlfriend returns to attend to me, I remember how much I wanted to make a point of not forgetting the previous dream, which wakes me up.
Sorry I've been so inconsistent about my postings. You know how it is.
I've been fighting with a flood of spam of biblical proportions. Seriously, I feel like I should build an ark and get two of everything. And what the hell is 'Forex trading' anyway? (No, wait. I don't want to know. And if you try to tell me in a comment, the junk filters will flag you as a spammer and launch an ICBM at your ISP, so it's probably better that you don't).
In any case, today's IT comes again from photos taken on my recent road trip with my best beloved up to her home town. There's a lot of neat things I saw on this trip (Someday, I'll tell you the story of the Premisis Maid), but most of them I was too slow on the uptake to get a picture of. This one, I was not.
Is this racist? I'm not sure. Maybe. I don't like to be too quick to accuse someone of racism:
I've heard of the Queen's English. I had not heard of "Bill's English" before.
